
Raise your head from the drunken pillow. It’s Tuesday
morning and school is inviting you to fall in its lovely little arms.
Nobody in their geographies knows the way out of insecurity,
so you pull the sleeves of your jumper down another inch.
Your arms are like the line separating the dx and the dy.
Your aggression towards them is akin to
pop quizzes during twelfth-grade fourth period.
Turn fingers into a fist, there is a lot of math left to do.
Calculate the vision of the boys who stare at your
bruised knees and bandaged wrists. You’ve grown
up afraid of eyes. So you exchange yours for brown
spectacles and never take them off. The boys still stare;
think about their childhood halloween and
falling into bubblegum pools, they can’t hurt you.
Everyone is a costume and costumes have fake
knives not real ones. Teenagers are sometimes
not cruel. Are they? A girl stares this time, at the
medical room when you ask for more aspirin. It is
known that fear begets more fear but it also begets
migraines. Striking ache that is meant to be crowned;
Not run away from but you still run. It is difficult
being embarrassed by your own flesh. The hallways
seem like a racetrack, but nobody else is competing.
Why are you? What do you have to lose? Or to win?
Calculus is never a competition but a parade, we’re
all falling in step together. Step by
step we
integrate and then disintegrate.
There is nothing left to run from. You have
strawberry jam sandwiches for lunch in the corner,
the old teacher stares, at her book but beyond her
pages there is you. She is looking at you you you.
Calculus for dummies is continuous change,
you’re stuck in a pattern of following gazes;
you miss the heart strings stitched in blue
cotton thread, a lot of friendships look like it.
Today,
brings freedom
that only makes sense
once you’ve lived through it.
The classroom lights reflect against the bunch
of keys tangled up in your belt loop. you can
recite your registration number by heart but
what about the act of letting go when you must,
when you must
return
to the moment.
all this calm that is owed to you.
when you must
look at yourself
and not at who’s looking.
all this chaos that is outside your share.
Absolutely love this! Congratulations on your first post, Shringarika! 🙂
In love🥰🥰🥰
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