The Blue Day Dream

Graphic by Bibi Hajira

‘Daydreaming is an art and daydreamers are artists’, this was one of my favourite quotes that I copy pasted from Google and added to my WhatsApp bio when I was 14. Needless to say, it still is one of my favourites. Dreams, in general, and daydreams in particular are the best thing that happens to me at any given point of time. I was an average student in middle school and never had any big hopes for myself. I would be pretty non existent to my classmates and teachers except for my only two best friends. This never bothered me until I turned 14 and the teenage frenzy ‘craze’ caught over me. In high school, I started to seek validation from my friends and attention from my peers, and disappointingly got none. This is the time where I started daydreaming in classes as the teacher would explain about things that I never understood.

Daydreaming was a gateway of escape for me, I started to dream about being popular, getting excellent grades, and living the perfect life. I created a wonderful yet surreal world for myself. I would sit in class listening to Pythagoras theorem but my mind would wander around the things that I desperately wanted. And now this is exactly where my story gets a little too wired yet magical. Surprisingly enough I started to get everything I wanted – good grades, friends (lots of them), and inner peace. I don’t know if I can call it some kind of an imagination technique that you use to achieve something or just as a coincidence.  Either way I loved it. It changed my life for the better. 

There was a funny yet wonderful moment I want to share with you. Throughout my life I’ve always been a sucker for public speaking But never had the nerve to stand in front of people and speak. In 9th grade, my English teacher asked me to volunteer for being the emcee at a school event. I was surprised, partly because she noticed me (told you I’m pretty non existent) and also because I’ve never done anything like this before. Nevertheless I decided to give it a try but on the day 2 of rehearsal I understood that this is probably the worst decision I’ve ever made. I couldn’t stop stuttering on stage. I’ve decided to give up but couldn’t.  On the day of the event I somehow managed to get the job done but I was terrible at it. Weirdly enough, I loved the feeling of standing in front of people and talking to them. I decided to not give up public speaking just because I’m bad at it. I started speaking to myself loudly in hopes of becoming better but the results were not very satisfactory. But then came daydreaming for my rescue. I started imagining myself standing in front of a big crowd and speaking to them. This was a lifesaver, I started to enjoy public speaking. And my happiness knew no bounds the day I received the best public speaker award. That day I realized that I am not powerless anymore and I can be anything I wanted only if I strongly believed that I deserved it.

Even today I sit on my couch, or lay on my bed and just think about what my future is going to be like if I work hard right now. Truth to be told, dreams can be pretty scary especially when you know there is a degree of uncertainty about them being a reality rather than just a work of fiction. I’m scared about losing everything I have, about dying alone, about living as a failure and about not being able to realize my dream and make it happen. I’m  worried that my reality will become a nightmare. In my dreams, I am probably the best version of myself, something I know I could never be. But this can’t stop me from trying to make my dreams come true. 

My love for daydreaming is not going to stop as long as I have the determination to make my dreams come true. While the world hustles, I lay on my couch daydreaming about things that are surreal and plan to achieve them.

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