Under Construction

“Get up, you need to attend classes.”
“No, mom,” I replied.
“Please, your career is ahead of you. You can’t just quit like that!” she encouraged me.
“Please mom, let this day pass too.” I insisted. She opened the door and sat near me on the bed. She removed the blanket from my face and said “My dear, you need to get up. In life, you will fall many times but that doesn’t mean you will forget how to get up and walk again.”

You might be thinking that I am a stubborn brat. Well, I am not. A few months ago I had a breakup with the campus’ hottie. Everyone knew about our relationship and so after the breakup, it was embarrassing to walk past those judging eyes and murmuring mouths. To deal with my depression, I opted for the way that most of us take; friends. I have two best friends and they are my life. Unfortunately, one of them got transferred to another college and due to our busy schedules, we could barely make time for each other. While my other friend’s mom passed away three weeks back due to an accident. The incident shattered her into pieces and she has been really busy taking care of her dad and younger siblings. So, I am left all alone to face my depression. It’s harder than you can imagine. I lost my appetite and barely sleep these days, I remain sad for no reason, random mood swings, breakdowns, overthinking and every negative emotion you name.

Every time I scroll down Insta, I see people uploading pictures with their friends, hanging out and chilling. Is only my life this miserable? Only me? Why me? Why do my friends and I have to face problems at the same time? These are the thoughts that eat me up from the inside. I really want someone to be there for me. I started questioning my existence as nothing is going right in life. Maybe I am imperfect. I was facing an identity crisis and diving deeper into depression. So, I had begun bunking classes last week. My mom knows about everything and encourages me daily.

All of a sudden, my mom threw the blanket off of me to the other side of the bed and said, “Come, let’s go.” Confused, I asked “Where?” Instead of answering my question she grabbed my hand and took me to the bathroom. Making me stand in front of the mirror, she started speaking, “This girl you see in the mirror will help you come out of depression because she will be with you for a lifetime. How is she going to help you? Every morning you need to get up and tell her ‘You are strong and will pass this too. I am with you and will always love you.’” At first, I thought that it was useless and wouldn’t be of much help but then I decided not to cry and stand up for myself. I did that every morning and noticed no difference.

However, I continued doing it and after ten days I discovered the art of self-love. Pampering yourself rather than expecting it from others makes you strong. Beautiful wings were budding out of me and lifted the burden of the cocoon from my heart. A transformation from a shattered heart to healing soul is the most difficult journey. But once you master it there is no turning back. I am currently under construction and I’m building my own life.

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17 thoughts on “Under Construction

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