What Love Feels Like

We all have different concepts of love because of the way we grew up, our beliefs, experiences, culture, and what we see at home. Especially if we’re talking about romantic love. In my case, I grew up watching some Walt Disney movies while at the same time the parental figure was quite different because they weren’t affectionate with each other, but in my case, I wanted something Walt Disney-like and sometimes (well most of the Times) I used to idealize the person I was dating so much, that I found myself in love with an idea rather than the actual person. 

But no matter how messy, different, or ideal were the relationships I had in the past, I always look for the bright side and the lessons in every situation, especially when things end. For me, this happened with a guy I met a couple of years ago, and it was a memory that I keep very dearly in my heart because it was very special for me. From the moment we met to every single moment. 

This Relationship started with a Dating app where we immediately liked each other, and we agreed to meet the same night. I was living in San Diego at the time, and I wanted to meet different people because I was tired of dating my friend’s referrals, so for this date, we went to Downtown San Diego which is beautiful at night, we went dancing salsa and spent a great time knowing each other. It felt like I knew him already, maybe from another lifetime. I found what I was looking for in this guy or at least it felt like that back then. 

At the end of the night, we were saying Goodbye when he asked me if he could spend the night, but it wasn’t possible, because it was my friend’s house, and those were the rules. In the end, I let him in, only to use the restroom. This action cost me my friend’s friendship for a while, because I had broken the rules, and she felt it like a betrayal to our friendship. I wasn’t thinking about what I was doing and was just so excited for meeting this guy in a way, but at the same time, I felt torn between my friend and this guy I had just met but it felt so familiar and different from what I had experienced in the past.

Months went by, and we got to know each other better, talked every single day, and spent a lot of time together. But what started as a romance transformed into friendship, more on his side, than on mine, because I did like him a lot. Although I accepted this friendship, a part of me knew I wanted more and that I couldn’t settle with less, especially because I felt deeply for him. The emotions were so strong that I reached a point where I couldn’t hide it any longer and confessed my feelings to him, but the result wasn’t good, and our friendship fell apart. He realized I could never see him as a friend and we took different pathways and never talked to each other again. 

I learned a lot from this experience, even though I was heartbroken. I learned what love felt like, especially romantic love, and deep inside I knew he felt something for me on a different level. I believe now every person loves differently. And this experience made me love myself, even more, value friendship, and also understand that the love comes from me and it’s abundant. Even if it was sad things ended, right now when I look back I will always be grateful that I met him because it changed my life, it made me grow, and it was something unforgettable. 

Angie Meléndez

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